At the same time, changing my profile status to “seeing someone” every time I go on a second date seems like overkill. And you totally came to the right guy to answer them.
My second question is about saying no/rejecting people. I know what I am supposed to do – spit it out, be direct – but I really, really wish there was a less uncomfortable way to do it (men have it easy, all they have to do is not call). Really, I hate to toot my own horn about my embarrassingly vast online dating experience, but, well, TOOT TOOT! You want to act with integrity and be nice, but not hurt anybody’s feelings. Most people, men and women, have no interest in hurting anyone passively or actively.
Stay away from the fish unless you really need to interact with them.
They are powerhouses of emotions and you, the mechanical Aries will not be able to tolerate one percent of it. The Cancer lives in extremes and living with them will make you uncomfortable because you are at peace when things are stable.
If you’re communicating with 7-10 decent guys in your inbox, that will usually result in about 2 dates.
If one of the dates doesn’t pan out, you can either promote guys from the minor leagues, or reactivate your photos/profile to get more incoming traffic. Finding the One Online has an entire CD that describes how to flirt with men in a way that keeps their attention and slows them down to a pace you’re comfortable with.
Thus, there’s no dating without heartbreak, any more than there’s swimming without getting wet.
So for the first question, you have three things you can do more effectively.
However, I don’t feel the necessary “click” to continue to move things forward with our relationship. You don’t have to promise to stay in touch as friends.
I feel like I need some formal practice – I would totally sign up for a workshop that was nothing but 2 hours straight of saying, “no, thank you, it was nice to meet you, I know we had a great chat about X, but the chemistry isn’t there for me and I don’t want a second date,” over and over until the cringy awkwardness was washed out of it. (Yes, I’ve looked – no luck so far.) If not, any suggestions on overcoming my extreme internal resistance to being so blunt? The problem is that there’s usually going to be one person who is more invested than the other person.
And this power imbalance means that broken hearts are par for the course.
I do agree with Evan, especially when it comes to the email after the date. I think it is because they are so lonely and want it to work with someone.
It is much safer than trying to be nice about in person. I have also made some friends because they were nice guys, but the “chemistry” wasn’t there. Not everyone likes everyone and it doesn’t mean the person is a loser, just didn’t work out and you get back out there!